And watch it bleed.
When I burn my skin,
I can hear it fry.
I’m proud when I go
A day without eating.
I’m proud when I’ve gagged
After eating something I shouldn’t have.
I like my scars
And become mad when they fade.
I am addicted.
Addicted to self-mutilation.
My heart bleeds
With the pleasure I find in pain.
I like the ache
That follows for days.
I take pills,
Too many,
Too often,
For no reason at all.
Cutting, burning, starving,
Gagging, overdosing,
They set me free.
They ease my every pain,
Dismiss my every worry,
And let me express
My innermost emotions.
No words are ugly enough,
No picture black enough,
To ever compare to my emotions.
But physical pain
Is a doorway between
Emotional pain
And its freedom, its release.
It feels good to hurt,
To finally be able to express
The otherwise inexpressible.
I am addicted,
Addicted to self-mutilation.
Age 15