Grief comes in waves, but Anxiety is a pelting downpour From which there is no physical shelter. Turning up my face to the Lord, Drops sting as though they cut my cheeks, Not leaving the satisfaction of a scar. Bending down my head in prayer, They beat against my skull, Pushing my face Closer to the suffocating mud. What shall I do, Lord? I cry to You with all my heart- Deeper down- to the depths Where my soul must reside. I fight for You in my thoughts, Lord, Clinging to the memory of Your promises. They seem to slip from my grasp, Ripped away by the forceful downfall which Offers no mercy of relenting. I know You will not forsake me And that Your Hand will not allow this downpour forever, But I am finding it hard to believe I shall find rest this side of Heaven. Perhaps I won't, Dear Lord, and if that's Your Will, I shall take it. I fear for my ability to be used For Your Purposes when every day it seems All I can manage is mere existence Paralleling the continual fight Against this barrage from the enemy. I desire to model Your love, peace, Hope, and steadfast lovingkindness To those around me, Particularly my children, Father. My flesh is far too weak. Please fill me with Your Spirit, Jesus, That I may live abundantly as You promise. My prayer is of the Bible, Father: I believe; please help me in my unbelief. In Christ's Name, Amen. |
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How can I feel so lonely
When I know You are right here? How can I be so isolated With so many people near? These old struggles of mine Are starting to creep Back up to the surface Stirring pain so deep. Why aren’t they gone? I thought they were conquered in Christ? What happened to being a new creation? What happened to a new life? I don’t feel victorious, I don’t even feel okay I thought this was behind me I feel shackled again today. Where is my freedom That You died to provide? I want to give You my burden But I am so confused inside. How do I do that, Take Your yoke which is light? If You were physically here and it was literal, That would help my plight. Sometimes I just don’t get the symbolic stuff, How can that help me right now? I want to obey You But I don’t always know how. What would Jesus do? So simple to say, But how could I be so pompous as to guess How You’d behave if you were in my shoes today? I know Your characteristics, Like being gentle and kind, But that doesn’t always help with The specific decisions I find Along this road called life That seems to be dragging me At a speed I cannot control To a destination I cannot see. I’m thankful for Your Spirit That lifts my requests up in a groan Because I used up my strength Falling on my face at Your throne. I don’t have it all together, This Christian life isn’t a walk in the park Right now in this battle I feel like it’s a shot in the dark. I know You are there, The solid ground beneath my feet, But I don’t know which way to turn To crawl to the mercy seat. The war is real And though I know You’ve already won The injuries are painful And my job is no fun. The description is vague and specific All at the same time Believe it or not I get sick of being looked at Like expressing my belief system is a crime. This world is not friendly to Your ways And to be quite frank, I had a moment last month When my heart just sank. I got so heavy And hurt That praying and praising Became work. That’s not what I want And I will always call on You to talk, But I’m scared that this dry spell Will be too far for me to walk. Time to talk my thoughts captive, Starting with this one. It’s not about my strength It’s about serving Christ, God’s Son. Enough about me, This whining session has now ended. Time to repent for my self pity So my heart can be mended. Looking inward at my woes Didn’t get me anywhere at all. Time to focus on Jesus And listen quietly for His call. And if I don’t hear it, Or I can’t make it out, I’ll find His will in the Bible, That’s what prayer should be about. Seeking God’s heart And asking His direction So my life can have more meaning Than a hopeless reflection. I don’t want to mirror My past or my peers, I want to be a fool for Christ And abandon my fears. I may stumble, but He holds my hand So I will not fall. Nice try distracting me, Satan, But you don’t get us all. Lord, I know You've set my feet upon a rock,
And for this I am grateful. I vividly recall the helplessness and the struggle I experienced when my feet Slipped and sank in miry clay. Walking on Your firm foundation, I'd like to say I've never looked back, Never mourned for my sinful self As I walked righteous and redeemed, But that would be a lie. It is true that I've never desired to return To that location where I was separated by my own choices From Your gracious provision. No, I certainly do not regret following You, Lord, But some days, I admit, My feet yearn for softer soil. Even if it were sticky or slimy, Or miry as it may. My flesh wears out and remembers My feet were never sore On the path I traveled before. Ah, to be honest, it wasn't travel at all Since my pace was so slow And my destination unclear, at best. I suppose, Lord, I am counting the cost. My feet are hesitant to continue Ont his hard rock You've set as my course. My mind romanticizes the memory of that insufferable miry clay, But my heart and soul, Lord, Are set unwavering toward Your glory. Forgive me, Father,for lingering in this moment of self pity. Please heal my feet, Lord, Or increase my character to persevere despite the pain. At the end of my days, You will stand before me. I do not want to measure my success By how far I've traveled, By how clean or ragged my feet are, But by how steadily I've kept my gaze on You Despite the terrain. |
~Faith~
These poems have something to do with my journey in faith. I was introduced to the Gospel at the age of 13. After much skepticism and scrutiny (I read the entire Holy Bible cover-to-cover and asked a pastor countless questions), I put my faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. It was the best decision I've ever made. These poems are related to the trials and triumphs I have walked through since that time. Archives
October 2015
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