When I know You are right here?
How can I be so isolated
With so many people near?
These old struggles of mine
Are starting to creep
Back up to the surface
Stirring pain so deep.
Why aren’t they gone?
I thought they were conquered in Christ?
What happened to being a new creation?
What happened to a new life?
I don’t feel victorious,
I don’t even feel okay
I thought this was behind me
I feel shackled again today.
Where is my freedom
That You died to provide?
I want to give You my burden
But I am so confused inside.
How do I do that,
Take Your yoke which is light?
If You were physically here and it was literal,
That would help my plight.
Sometimes I just don’t get the symbolic stuff,
How can that help me right now?
I want to obey You
But I don’t always know how.
What would Jesus do?
So simple to say,
But how could I be so pompous as to guess
How You’d behave if you were in my shoes today?
I know Your characteristics,
Like being gentle and kind,
But that doesn’t always help with
The specific decisions I find
Along this road called life
That seems to be dragging me
At a speed I cannot control
To a destination I cannot see.
I’m thankful for Your Spirit
That lifts my requests up in a groan
Because I used up my strength
Falling on my face at Your throne.
I don’t have it all together,
This Christian life isn’t a walk in the park
Right now in this battle
I feel like it’s a shot in the dark.
I know You are there,
The solid ground beneath my feet,
But I don’t know which way to turn
To crawl to the mercy seat.
The war is real
And though I know You’ve already won
The injuries are painful
And my job is no fun.
The description is vague and specific
All at the same time
Believe it or not I get sick of being looked at
Like expressing my belief system is a crime.
This world is not friendly to Your ways
And to be quite frank,
I had a moment last month
When my heart just sank.
I got so heavy
That praying and praising
That’s not what I want
And I will always call on You to talk,
But I’m scared that this dry spell
Will be too far for me to walk.
Time to talk my thoughts captive,
Starting with this one.
It’s not about my strength
It’s about serving Christ, God’s Son.
Enough about me,
This whining session has now ended.
Time to repent for my self pity
So my heart can be mended.
Looking inward at my woes
Didn’t get me anywhere at all.
Time to focus on Jesus
And listen quietly for His call.
And if I don’t hear it,
Or I can’t make it out,
I’ll find His will in the Bible,
That’s what prayer should be about.
Seeking God’s heart
And asking His direction
So my life can have more meaning
Than a hopeless reflection.
I don’t want to mirror
My past or my peers,
I want to be a fool for Christ
And abandon my fears.
I may stumble, but He holds my hand
So I will not fall.
Nice try distracting me, Satan,
But you don’t get us all.