Is coming undone.
What do you do
When you feel you just can’t wait
For your desperate prayers
To be answered?
When you can’t choose
Between crying from the pit of your soul,
Ripping out your own hair in rage,
And laughing out loud
Just to spit in the world’s face.
I start my day
With a prayer for hope, strength,
And wisdom from above.
Walking along
I do my best to keep on the straight and narrow.
Many times,
I could spill words of hate,
But instead I say a prayer,
Without so much as gritting my teeth.
My patience seems
To have no end,
And, for a while,
I think I’m doing it,
Think I’m back on track with God.
Then I come home,
It’s all I can do to not cry
As you insult and belittle me.
You demand out of me
Things you yourself
Could never accomplish.
I try my best,
Saying little prayers,
Pretending it doesn’t hurt.
But the truth is,
It does.
It hurts more than I can express.
Sure,
Being a Christian,
I should be able to deal,
To cope with my faith,
And the knowledge
That my Father loves me,
And that He has a purpose for everything.
Yeah, I should be able to cope.
But,
I can’t.
The only problem is,
I remember when you hurt me like this
And I wasn’t a Christian.
I remember when I would cry so hard
Over one little confrontation.
I remember when I was scared, and alone,
When I’d needed you most
But you weren’t there to help.
I wanted to run to you
With my every worry,
To be your little princess.
Instead,
In worry, I ran from you,
And the label you impressed into my mind
Was that I’m your little burden.
Being a Christian now,
I realize,
You don’t follow Christ,
You know no better and live by the world’s rules,
I forgive you now,
Now, I understand.
But,
I never will understand,
How you hurt me so bad
When I was too young to know,
Too young to realize, I’m still loved,
I’m even loved unconditionally,
Just not by you.
For you to live your lives alone
In the sense that you ignore
The presence and ever-outstretched helping hand of Christ,
So you go along,
Living off other’s fickle love,
But how,
How could you let me grow up,
Not knowing love at all?
I wonder how,
How I coped so well,
With no hope, no known love.
Maybe, Lord,
You whispered Your truth
In the depths of my heart.
This, I’ll never know.
Oh, and Father,
One more thing,
Before I go to bed,
I pray that you’d bless
Mommy and Daddy,
And help them along.
Use me in their lives.
Give me the strength, courage,
Wisdom and love,
I need
To show them
That they, too,
Are not alone.
Age 15