After having dealt with the hunger strike issue, things settled down around our home and this book just stayed on a wishlist. I've been thinking a lot more about developing godly character in our children's lives, and also about teaching them communication and interpersonal relationship skills. These things are invaluable and aren't really a part of a typical curriculum. These are things I struggled with and learned over time, with a lot of mistakes and heartache in the process. How could I teach my children these skills without knowing how to articulate what I have learned? I came across my wishlist and did something I RARELY ever do for a paperback book- I ordered it brand new at full price.
I wanted to see if it was a resource that could be helpful to assign our teen as independent reading over the summer, but I feel it is important to read some books before handing them over to my children- particularly books which aren't meant simply to entertain the reader. If something is supposed to teach, motivate, or speak to the heart of my children, I want to know firsthand that it represents Biblical teachings appropriately. I am glad to report this book is sound in its teachings.
I wasn't expecting to learn SO much. This book really should be more widely known and used as a resource in churches. Every single church library should include a copy of this book and I intend to donate a copy to our church library. There are diagrams, checklists, anecdotes, analogies and many Scripture references to help illustrate points and stress the importance of how we choose to respond to situations, including coming up with a Biblical diagnosis of how we typically react (how does God view the way we handle situations), identifying what subjects or circumstances are "triggers" for our anger, a step-by-step method to help practice taking your thoughts captive in order to retrain your brain to consider a Biblical response (not an angry reaction) to situations, and more. Excuses and objections are met head-on with a healthy does of truth and introspection.
Early on in the book, the author gives very clear guidelines on when it is not only okay and acceptable, but when it is actually RIGHT to be angry. Anger in itself is not a sin, but, many times our reasons for being angry, our speech, actions, and attitudes of the heart are sinful rather than righteous. This book isn't a giant guilt-trip about being angry. It's a lengthy wake-up call to the reality of how much damage you are doing to others, yourself, your relationships and your opportunities by continuing to react out of anger when you should be responding calmly. There are chapters devoted to the fact that many times the other people involved (those we are angry with) aren't dealing with a situation properly and so we blame them. The stress is on personal responsibility. We can't change other people's speech, actions, and attitudes, but we can choose how to respond to them. There is a chapter dealing specifically with manipulation (manipulative tendencies in communication), and a chapter teaching how to use an "appeals process" to respectfully disagree with a parent or authority.
This book has opened my eyes to ways that I, as a parent, need to change the way I communicate and the way I choose to handle discipline sometimes. As a rule of thumb, my husband and I always try not to give a punishment if/when we are angry, but, there are times that a situation merits immediate consequences AND also happens to make us really upset. How do we respond to those situations? I'm not sure yet, but I am ordering Lou Priolo's other book "The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children" so that I can help my younger children learn how to properly deal with their anger, rather than just managing/disciplining the outward manifestations of their anger (disobedience, grumbling, occasional temper tantrums). It is the same type of information as in "Getting a Grip" regarding dealing with anger, but it is writing to instruct the parent on how to respond, whereas "Getting a Grip" is writing to the person who is angry. I am looking forward to being able to help equip my children to break free of the bondage of anger before it becomes a permanent mark on their hearts, souls, habits and relationships. We figured out prevention (maintaining a state of good health) is better than waiting until after there's a problem and then managing the symptoms when it comes to physical ailments, I am certain the same holds true spiritually, mentally & emotionally.