My husband and I have been married over 10 years and we still look at each other with a twinkle in our eye at times- the same twinkle that was there when we first started dating. There was a time of stress and sorrow that threatened to derail our love life, but we saw the potential for distance to creep between us and we took proactive steps to guard our precious relationship. Grief can be very consuming and some seasons are very physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding- there are times you and/or your spouse may feel like you have "nothing left to give" and romance may be the last thing on your mind due to pressing circumstances beyond your control. It's okay- you don't ever have to force yourself to try keep up with expectations or even hopes- but you DO have to be intentional. If we can keep the romance alive and come out on the other side of several traumatic experiences with a deeper, richer intimacy, so can you! These 5 steps are made to be customized- so give them a read and pray about what steps you may need to take. Your marriage and love life are worth it! |
1. Make your marital relationship higher on the priority list. Way higher.
How long do you plan to live with your spouse? Can your marriage sustain through poor health, rough financial seasons, and emotional strain? I hope you plan to live with your spouse until death due you part. I pray if you're unsure whether your marriage could endure unthinkable stress or tragedy, that you will take steps today to start reinvesting in the foundation of your marriage. I believe what God has joined together no man can separate. Do you feel like God is the glue holding your marriage together? Are you the glue? Is your spouse? The kids? Social expectations? Ponder these things and commit to being committed. If you center your relationship with the Lord, trust Him, and follow His lead, he can make two become like one flesh. Then there will be no glue analogy at all- just one solid marriage.
The first step is all about reflection and perspective.
2. Intentionally show gratitude, affirmation and encouragement
Maybe this sounds a bit over-the-top fluffy and your marriage is a bit on the rocks? Guess what? Gratitude and appreciation can be very healing. Think about the way you used to respond to your spouse when the two of you were first dating, first getting serious, or first married. I don't know about you, but I was more concerned with being gentle with my words back then. It's easy to slip into a bad habit of talking to our spouses with less respect than they deserve. I've heard there's a book that explains men need to feel respected the way women need to feel loved (desired). I didn't bother read the book because I started seeing this as a recurring theme with many men I observed in different scenarios.
This step can be done without any real change to your schedule or finances. What do you have to lose?
3. Set aside time to "date."
To be honest, some of our dates I internally wondered if they were more "work" (getting a babysitter, saving up cash for spending on movie tickets and dinner out, figuring out schedules) than they were "worth." I realized the dates I felt like this were some of the ones my husband thoroughly enjoyed. (He's the movie lover.) Other dates, like sending the kids to the sitter so we could just take a walk alone, may have seemed like more work than they were worth to my spouse. After all, we could go on a walk and stay 1/2 a block behind our kids with less fuss, but the whole atmosphere would be different. Those were some of the dates I loved. We get creative with dates at home while the kids are in bed or even while give them popcorn and a movie in one room, we sit in another room and watch a movie together. These "dates" aren't earth-shattering. They aren't meant to impress like some early dates with flowers, make-up and cute dresses were. These dates are aimed at quality time with your focus on your spouse.
This step involves effort. Remember step #1?
4. Get to Know Love Languages
Also, even if you're familiar with the 5 love languages, keep in mind, they can change over time. Pay attention to how your loved one shows love and return it in kind. You may want to share the information with your spouse, but it may be best to resist the urge to tell them your love language with a strong "hint-HINT" look on your face. No one wants to be bossed into showing love.
This step has value in ALL your relationships.
5. Lighten Up!
Seriously. Stop taking yourselves so seriously.
In conclusion...
This post IS about romance. Romance is many things to many people and here are some definitions from Urban dictionary that expresses the heart of my post:
Romance is a state of connection between two people that is brought about by thoughtful sentimental gestures that mean something to one or both parties; gestures that communicate care and understanding and love, as well as a desire to reach out and connect through the heart with a partner. The purpose of romance is to showing the person you love that you're thinking about them, that you would like to them to slow down so you can connect with them, so you can share love again, for a time together. [by DeepThinkr] |
Romance is any affectionate act that takes place between lovers, wherein one partner woos the other. It can serve as foreplay, though not necessarily; it's aimed at the emotions rather than just the sex drive. It is used to establish and maintain intimacy and emotional closeness in a sexual relationship. [by fatbloke27]
Forever My Girl tells the story of music super-star Liam Page (Alex Roe) who left his bride, Josie (Jessica Rothe), at the altar choosing fame and fortune instead. However, Liam never got over Josie, his one true love, nor did he ever forget his Southern roots in the small community where he was born and raised. When he unexpectedly returns to his hometown for the funeral of his high school best friend, Liam is suddenly faced with the consequences of all that he left behind. Forever My Girl is an uplifting romantic film about second chances. It releases in theaters on January 19.