I try so hard,
Just to lead my life,
To live my life,
As a new person.
Why, then,
Am I constantly tested,
Tempted,
By my old lifestyle?
I cannot move forward,
If I’m looking back.
So I try,
Try to put the past behind me.
In so many ways,
I’m doing so much better.
The progress I’ve made,
Is remarkable.
I’ve worked for it.
Worked to get where I am.
So why does this past of mine,
Keep coming up in the present?
I use all of my energy to move forward,
How can I be haunted?
Haunted by the old me.
By the feelings I used to feel,
By my friends being unable to move on also,
By the scars on my wrist.
The scars I see every day.
How can I be haunted,
By gruesome images
Flashing through my mind,
At the sight of blood, knives, or blades?
The flashes,
They can be triggered,
Or come randomly.
Lasting seconds,
Or minutes.
Forming into dreams,
When nighttime comes.
I cannot escape,
My own mind.
But why,
Can’t my friends move on?
Can’t they look at me,
In the same way they did before
Before anything went wrong at all?
Blame them,
I cannot.
But wish they could deal with this
By moving onward,
That, I can do.
I guess I just thought,
If I moved one,
All in the past would rest.
Why?
How is it that,
Though I’ve left the past,
And moved onto new,
The past cannot leave me?
Haunted.
Just haunted.
So helplessly.
Age 14