“Trust,” they say, “It’s all about trust.”
What is trust?
Is it real and stable or a foolish figment of humans’ imaginations ability to think “wishfully?”
“Trust” by common definition is firm belief in a person’s honesty, truth, justice, or power.
I believe “trust” is the state of being confident that you can rely on someone or something not to disappoint you.
Trust is hard for me to give out.
In my life, there’s been such a pattern!
Every time I’m in someone else’s hands,
They drop me.
Causing more reluctance to give out “trust” the next time.
You knew from the start,
I did not trust you.
I knew from the start,
You did not trust me.
You demanded my trust
And I demanded yours.
We both held back,
Yet we both remained dedicated to our friendship.
Each of us waited for the other to give in first,
Waited to see the land before we stepped onto it.
I was faced with a crisis
And turned, desperately, to you,
Revealing my hidden trust.
Making myself vulnerable.
Your response was to reveal your dedication;
You stood by me
And helped me through.
I waited and waited
For a chance to return your favor.
It never came,
You never made yourself vulnerable.
Leaving me scared,
My only option to pull away,
And so I did.
And there I lay,
Alone and distressed.
You reached out to me,
To comfort, to help.
But you persisted
And I fell victim to your charms.
I fell vulnerable
And you helped me through.
Still, I begged you to allow me to help,
Allow me into your deepest depths,
Allow yourself to trust me.
Yet you refused.
Finally, you confessed to me,
Something that troubled even the very smallest portions of my heart, mind, and soul.
I forgave you,
Our friendship intact,
But my vulnerability taken advantage of, my trust tested.
I had one final crisis,
Which I avoided involving you in.
I wanted not to tell you,
Not to trust you,
Not to be hurt.
You’d always demanded my complete trust
And I obeyed.
You’d assure me over and over of your trust in me,
Yet you failed to display it.
I yearned deeply to tell you,
To let you make everything better.
But the fear was there.
I asked you,
“Could I rely on you and trust in you not to hurt me?”
“Yes,” was your reply.
Still, I hesitated.
You found out by accident, that a crisis had occurred.
At first, you came to me searching only for answers.
“How had this come about?” you inquired.
I told you everything,
Once again exposing my vulnerability.
But disappoint me you did not do
Hurt me you did do.
Walk out on me when I came to you vulnerably.
Walk out on me when I needed you most.
I was in search of a hug
And such gentle words,
Yet all I received were words of anger and the loss of you.
One of my best friends.
One of the few I totally trusted.
If there is such a thing as “trust.”