I was so lost, so alone,
So scared.
My insecurities built walls around me
And blocked out the world.
Pain, hurt.
That’s what I tried so hard to hide from.
I considered anyone who knew me too well
To be a threat,
Someone who had the opportunity to hurt me.
I didn’t want to be vulnerable to anyone,
So I blocked out those that were growing too close to me
In an attempt to keep my guard up
And feelings preserved.
Anyone who loved me,
Loved me for who I truly was,
Scared me to death.
If they truly cared about me,
They had the ability to crush my world.
I did my best to separate myself from those people.
I preferred to be around people that only knew me
For who I chose to be around them.
I loved that I could mold their opinion of me.
I believed since I was not vulnerable to them,
They could not hurt me in the way that the others could.
They hurt me only by drifting in and out of my life.
The people that loved me, however,
They could hurt the depths of my heart,
But only if I let them in,
Into my world.
But you,
You are here,
In my world,
All of a sudden.
You know me, for who I am,
For all the different ways I act,
And you love me!
How can that be?
I did not mold you,
And you love me!
I am vulnerable to you,
Yet I feel so safe that it scares me even more.
I have been waiting,
Waiting for someone like you,
Who would barge into my world
And sooth my fears.
But a new fear is arising.
This one I cannot block out
Or turn away from.
Me.
What if I do something to make you leave?
As scared as I am that you’re here,
I want you to stay so badly.
What if your love for me dies because of one of my own actions?
I do not know how to act!
I am so confused.
I cannot mold you because you already know and love me.
And you’ve seen every way I’ve acted!
You know my every face and act,
And you love them all!
How can that be?
Which face and act do I use,
When you love me,
And they are all me!?!?
As confused and panicked as I am,
I love you back.
I feel safe in your arms,
And do not want you to leave.
Can you see that I’m nervous?
How do I get someone to stay whom loves me for who I am,
When this has never happened before?
I’ve never been loved for just me before.
Age 14
So scared.
My insecurities built walls around me
And blocked out the world.
Pain, hurt.
That’s what I tried so hard to hide from.
I considered anyone who knew me too well
To be a threat,
Someone who had the opportunity to hurt me.
I didn’t want to be vulnerable to anyone,
So I blocked out those that were growing too close to me
In an attempt to keep my guard up
And feelings preserved.
Anyone who loved me,
Loved me for who I truly was,
Scared me to death.
If they truly cared about me,
They had the ability to crush my world.
I did my best to separate myself from those people.
I preferred to be around people that only knew me
For who I chose to be around them.
I loved that I could mold their opinion of me.
I believed since I was not vulnerable to them,
They could not hurt me in the way that the others could.
They hurt me only by drifting in and out of my life.
The people that loved me, however,
They could hurt the depths of my heart,
But only if I let them in,
Into my world.
But you,
You are here,
In my world,
All of a sudden.
You know me, for who I am,
For all the different ways I act,
And you love me!
How can that be?
I did not mold you,
And you love me!
I am vulnerable to you,
Yet I feel so safe that it scares me even more.
I have been waiting,
Waiting for someone like you,
Who would barge into my world
And sooth my fears.
But a new fear is arising.
This one I cannot block out
Or turn away from.
Me.
What if I do something to make you leave?
As scared as I am that you’re here,
I want you to stay so badly.
What if your love for me dies because of one of my own actions?
I do not know how to act!
I am so confused.
I cannot mold you because you already know and love me.
And you’ve seen every way I’ve acted!
You know my every face and act,
And you love them all!
How can that be?
Which face and act do I use,
When you love me,
And they are all me!?!?
As confused and panicked as I am,
I love you back.
I feel safe in your arms,
And do not want you to leave.
Can you see that I’m nervous?
How do I get someone to stay whom loves me for who I am,
When this has never happened before?
I’ve never been loved for just me before.
Age 14