It's hanging,
And weeping.
The sorrow here
Is too great for words.
It's thick and heavy,
Pushing down upon us,
Forming a lump in our throat,
A knot in our stomach,
An ache in our hearts.
One so young,
One of us.
Age 17
_The sadness is seeping,
It's hanging, And weeping. The sorrow here Is too great for words. It's thick and heavy, Pushing down upon us, Forming a lump in our throat, A knot in our stomach, An ache in our hearts. One so young, One of us. Age 17
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_No!
You’re here, He’s here, She’s here, You’re all here! No… You are not gone Because you can’t be. I won’t let you, I won’t believe it. You, you’re at your house, And you’re fine, You’re probably smiling right now, Laughing at a joke, You’re there And you’re fine Because you have to be, Because I love you. You’ll call here, You’ll call here any day, And I’ll know it, I’ll know right away it’s you Because of how light-heartedly mom talks, How hard she laughs, And how she’s in a good mood, Because of you. Because of how much she loves you, Her sister. And him, He’s at Grandma’s, Asleep in his seat on the couch, He probably fell asleep to his old westerns on tv, He never sleeps early during boxing matches, No, tonight, right now, He’s asleep on the couch, Glasses on a pillow beside him, Chew and old, heavy metal, tarnished watch On the stand next to him. Yes, he’s asleep and tomorrow he’ll rise at dawn. And her, Dear Mary Jo, She’s in her apartment, Watching Cops on tv, Laughing and teasing lovingly her son, Her young, teenage boy. She’ll brag about McKenzy’s beauty, She’ll joke about snow cats, She’ll smile, she’ll tease, She’ll be there all night and the next. She’s there, she’s there with her prized son. All of you… All of you are fine! Age 16 _Morning comes,
You open your eyes, And search the room for me. Sorry, my dear, Your search is in vain, I’m no where you can see. You come home, Yell to me you’re back, And listen for my voice to reply. Sorry, my love, My voice you shall not hear, No matter how hard you try. You see me in your mind, Reach out your hand to me, To touch me, I seem so near. Sorry, my son, My image fades as you reach, I’m in your thoughts, but I’m not here. Worry not, Let peace overcome you, Do not count the painful days. Calm, my precious, You senses may fail you, yes, But your heart knows I’m with you always. Age 15 _Part of me wishes,
Everyone could spend one lunch hour a week The way I spent mine today. All I did Was visit a teacher… A teacher home ill. The other part of me Is mad, Confused and hurt, The way one always is When they’ve encountered suffering Such as I did today. My aunt had cancer. My cousin had cancer a few years before. She just went to a few radiation treatments, And life went on as normal, She was fine. I thought That was how it would be With my favorite aunt, too. So when I heard about the appointments, I just wished her well. When there were more and more, I began to pray. But when I started to hear stories, Of just how rough things were, And when phone calls were made With weeping to be heard, When they encouraged me to go see her, I refused. Age 16 _I just want you all
To be quiet. Stop smiling, Stop talking, Stop laughing. Stop pretending nothing happened. I’m sick of the routine The obsessive tyrannical routine. Let it change, Let us change, Let us mourn. The things that just don’t happen Already did, So let’s not ignore them. Let’s stop smiling And talking. Stop laughing And pretending. Something happened, So let’s be quiet, Let’s mourn. Age 17 I offer no words of comfort
Words ring hollow and vain No amount of sympathy Could begin to ease your pain. Crushed by trials and tragedy Beyond our ability to cope, Faith in the Lord sustains us, Ordinarily a sense of hope. Our loving God is All-Knowing; His voice all creation must obey. No miracle is beyond His power Why didn't He allow her to stay? Unanswered questions and heavy hearts An incomplete family overcome by grief. One cannot fathom moving forward Or imagine the future holding relief. A purposeful God and merciful Savior We cannot grasp Your role on this earth. I trust that You, Father, prepare a place for us And know You paid a price much higher than our worth. So often we seek You wholeheartedly, Desperately searching Your Word, Craving insight through this chaos Trusting no prayers go unheard. Our voices perhaps aren't adequate As it seems no response will arrive; Not even an echo returns to us Silence mocks us as we strive. Lose faith in the Good Shepherd; Let darkness smother my light? Why would we forfeit our only chance Of dawn following this miserable night? A time from now, perhaps far off My futile life shall end. Eagerly I await that day, The day my heart will mend. Age 24 _Crying on the inside,
Dying on the inside, This pain won’t go away This pain is here to stay On the inside. I lay here on this bed Fighting the demons in my head. Empty and cold Weary with sorrow Just pretending I am numb Just wanting death’s angel to come. Death’s angel to come. Yet by my side you stay Though I’m broken every way. Crushed and crumbled Torn in despair Why can no one see this? Why does no one care? Crying on the inside, Dying on the inside, This pain won’t go away This pain is here to stay On the inside Why am I here; Why don’t I fear? Confused and upset Angry with my existence I hate myself and this life I sustain But what I hate the most is causing you pain. You will not give up on me Though I wish to set you free. Free and independent Without the burdens I impose You say, for me, you will go to any length I merely wish I could show you You are my only source of strength. Crying on the inside, Dying on the inside, This pain won’t go away This pain is here to stay On the inside Age 20 _Friend of mine,
So faithful you’ve been, So loving and patient you’ve been As the years have drifted by. Looking into your eyes now I see the trueness of your dedication; Of your love. You were there when no one else cared, When no one else listened. You’ve given me so much more Than companionship. You’ve instilled in me the Determination that I can be loved, That I am not beyond reach, I can thrive And I deserve happiness. This and so much more, You’ve taught me throughout our lives. Sitting next to you now, It pains me beyond belief To imagine my life without you, For you are forever a part of my soul, Dear friend of mine. Age 18 _I took for granted,
Too many things. I didn’t want to believe That nightmares come true, Almost more often than dreams. I’d known she had cancer They told me a few months ago. Told me they caught it late- Really late. The medical terms, Floated through my mind, Like a snowflake in the breeze But when you live where I do, Blizzards are all too common. My mom said I’d have to pray for all of us, Seeing as I’m the only one active in a church Out of the whole family on her side. That I think, Is what made it all pretend. I knew, That all I’d need Was faith, The size of a mustard seed. She was my favorite aunt, One of my favorite people in fact. That made me more confident In the pretendness of it all. She was too happy, Too strong Too nice! And plus, I was praying, And I was praying with complete assurance That if I only asked, I’d receive. Because- Faith is being sure of what you hope for- And I had faith! This wasn’t happening-it was pretend. Yeah, yesterday, They called. “She’s gone,” my mom said Just like that Tears in her eyes! “She’s gone.” I could’ve prayed more, Could’ve… Could’ve… I don’t know. I took for granted, Too many things. I didn’t want to believe That nightmares come true, Almost more often than dreams. Now I sit here, And wonder. Memories Floating through my mind, Like a snowflake in the breeze. As a tear drops near my heart, Making my mustard seed grow. And dreams and nightmares, Blur together, Into a blizzard. Age 15 _Amanda Rose,
A blessing to speak her name. Amanda Rose, Without you, we’ll never be the same. Your smile shone Bright in your eyes And Love in your heart. Your hug melted any efforts To feel alone or scared. Your dedication so powerful, Inspiring all within reach. Your laugh so true True enough to ease pains Of any fortunate enough To be within your aura. Amanda Rose, Our love will never die. Amanda Rose, Please, don’t cry. Age 17 |
Grieving a Loss;
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