We don’t always get along perfectly,
I’m sure we never will.
No matter what’s been said or done,
I will love you still.
I’m sorry I don’t say that more;
I’m sorry I’m not saying it out loud now.
I express my deepest feelings in writing-
It’s the best way I know how.
Things that require courage to say
Might go left unsaid;
Handing you this paper,
I know it will be read.
It sounds funny, I’m sure,
But I’m feeling a little scared.
Who knows how you’ll react
To reading these feelings I have shared?
What if you laugh
Or roll your eyes?
That would hurt me
More than you realize.
I love you so much
For the beautiful girl you are.
My biggest fear is that
I only remind you of a scar.
A scar in your memory
Hidden deep in your heart.
A long time ago
Your family came apart.
Sometimes I wonder if
You look at me and see
An obstacle to your wishful thoughts
An obstacle that should not be.
When you daydream about growing up,
About becoming a mother and wife,
I fear that I’m not welcome
To remain a part of your life.
Now you know
What worries me most about you-
I worry about how you feel
And who I am in your view.
“Don’t worry about what others think”
Is easier said than done.
I worry that it bothers you
Hearing me talk to my son.
I can tell him that I love him,
Shower him with kisses and hugs;
Little kids are eager to cuddle.
When I see you alone my heart tugs-
It tugs at me to hug you
And squeeze you till you smile,
But I can’t remember the last time you wanted my hug.
It has been a long while.
I hope that’s only because
Of how much you have grown.
I just know that so much of my love
For you has gone unshown.
Will you forgive me
For not being brave?
For not showing as much affection
As I know all children crave?
You are my child,
Even though I’m not your mother.
And I love you as sincerely
As I love your brother.
I have never hoped
To take your mother’s place.
God has brought you as my stepdaughter
In His sovereign grace.
I would love for us to be friends,
But it’s not my first priority.
I’m responsible to teach you,
Parents are a child’s authority.
So whether you understand,
I may never know.
I pray we will learn
And together we can grow.
I wrote this poem just for you;
I mean every single word I have said.
Whatever happens in either of our lives,
Remember what you have just read.
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