I fall, helpless, at Your mercy.
How long I've tried,
How short I've fallen,
How deaf I've become
To Your promises of joy.
Your provision of courage
Cannot be granted
If I refuse to admit fear.
Your provision of strength
Will not be granted
If I refuse to acknowledge weakness.
Your gift of grace
Shall not nourish me
If I do not pause to realize my hunger.
I've filled the void with actions and relationships,
Service and study,
All in Your Name,
All for Your glory,
All without Your intimate involvement.
How could I have forgotten, Lord,
That I cannot minister for You,
Only with You.
What effort on my own produces
What willingness to find and follow Your will reveals
I don't desire to be limited by my own
Drive for independence.
Forgive me for my vanity, Dear Lord,
And fill me with humility.
Remind me that
I am not good enough,
And do not have anything
Or anyone under control.
Reduce me to human
In my own eyes,
That I may see myself
As You see me.
How much more beautiful the sight!
A weeping mess at Your disposal
Is far more capable than
My determined self,
No matter how effective my facade.
I'd even fooled myself, Father,
I've played the fool
And measured my success by a cultural standard
Rather than by my emptiness of self
And fullness of Spirit.
Let us not forget
How messy and unconventional it appears
To follow Your leading.
Remind us of the prophets, the martyrs,
And those in bonds.
Undo me with your great love,
Bind me with Your great mercy,
And heal me with Your sufficient grace.
I do not desire to lift myself
Back onto my feet, Jesus,
But that I would remain a heap,
And that You would rise up
In my stead.